I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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