i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
