I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
