the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
