my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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