My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
