Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
