I am puke
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
