I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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