If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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