you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
