I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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