What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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