My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize