i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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