I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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