You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
