hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
