I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
