a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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