i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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