cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
