I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
