Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
