CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
