You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
