At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
