So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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