I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
