the condom got lost in my hair
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
