but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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