He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
