does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I touched a dick in church today
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