I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
