No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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