3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
