And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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