Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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