How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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