Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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