Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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