Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
