That's intense
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i've created a new STD.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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