I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
