Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
