Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
