i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
