no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
