dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
