I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
