Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
