The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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