That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Can Purell be used as lube?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
