batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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