It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
