I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
