I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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