I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
