Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize