Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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