Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
