so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
