I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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