you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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