she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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