Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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