the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize